Coming up with consequences for kids that work is not always easy, especially when you’re in the heat of the moment and you just need your kids to do what you ask (preferably without yelling)!  

You need to find something that works and stick to it… if you want a behaviour to change.

If some of their consequences are not suitable that is where your common sense steps in. Consequences need to be acceptable to all parties.

Over the top consequences do not work because – (not consistent follow through, the whole family can get punished,  its done in the heat of the moment

What you need to do is sit down have a family meeting

Then as a family, brainstorm some fitting consequences for misbehaviour. To help them see this in another way,  you need to ask the following questions and have them fill in the answers in a little chart as outlined below:

• What are some behaviours we don’t allow in our family?
• What do I do (or not do) that leads to these behaviours?
• What are some of the natural consequences of these behaviours?
• What can I say and do to make them right? What can I do to show I am ready to start over?

Stick it up on the fridge and use it as a guide to help your kids go through the process of recognising poor choices, dealing with consequences, and making things right.

 Now as soon as someone makes a poor choice, the children involved get a little slip of paper cut from a sheet that looks like this:

They get some time to think and fill in the blanks. Then talk about what they can do the next time they find themselves in a similar situation. Finally, the attempt to earn back privileges begins: sincere apologies need to be made (we’re working on this one!), and time is put toward the consequences. Sometimes this whole process  can tak as long as five to six minutes, but sometimes it is as short as a minute.

REASONS I LIKE THIS APPROACH:

Cool Down: It has a surprisingly calming effect on everyone. The short time with the pencil and paper directs our children’s energy to reflecting and problem solving. It also gets us parents ready for a more helpful conversation than the one that might happen right as someone is “caught” and feeling defensive.

(Note: If more cool down time is needed, great. Don’t hand the ultra-agitated child a pencil and expect them it to be productive . . . or safe.)

Understanding: The child is doing the thinking, and she is recognizing how her choice is leading to the consequence. As a result, there are significantly fewer lengthy lectures from us these days. (The back of the paper also serves as a great place for writing compliments or drawing a nice picture for the offended.)

Problem Solving: This process is an opportunity for the child to realize not only what she did wrong, but what she can do next time. This is probably my favorite part—giving my child a tool to avoid easily avoidable problems to come.

Consistency: I love that with this system, discipline is not at the mercy of the time of day or a parent’s mood. There is more order and logic to it all compared to parents just trying to create a more dramatic punishment than the last time. We also have a list of practical, relevant, and reliable consequences that we can choose from and that the girls can expect (from our original chart).