SETTING LIMITS

Setting limits is so important with children, and this is why. Children like to feel a safety net around them, their boundaries. They continuously test their boundaries as a part of natural development, and learning how life works. When they feel safe and secure they will test their boundaries less. They feel safe and secure when you have set limits. They need to know the parent is in control. Simple. It helps to remember that when setting limits the intention is to teach not to punish. Set out below is a simple model to follow when setting limits.

A.C.T. LIMIT SETTING

ACKNOWLEDGE THE FEELING

COMMUNICATE THE LIMIT

TARGET THE CHOICE


WHAT THE INTENTION IS

“Looks like you [feel, want, wish],
but [first object] is not for [action]-ing.
[Second object] is. You can. . .”


INTENTION PUT AS EXAMPLE

“Jim, I know you feel like hitting me, but I’m not for hitting!” [point] “You can hit the stuffed bear, or [point] you can hit the pillow.”

No amount of limit setting will be effective unless a few house rules are established first. It is really important to ask your self is this limit necessary. The reason being, too many limits will cause deaf ears.If you’re struggling to get your child to listen, give directions differently. It takes practice to change the way you speak to your child  Here are five ways that your child will tune out

Only offer warnings if you plan to follow through with a consequence. Are your warnings falling on deaf ears? Give your directions once. If your child doesn’t listen, follow through with a warning and be ready to give him a consequence if he doesn’t take action.

Children quickly recognise the outrageous threats which will not be followed through. Additionally sometimes, parents make threats that sound inviting. Saying, “I’ll turn this car around right now if you don’t stop arguing!” may sound more like a reward, rather than a punishment.

It can be easy to get sucked into an argument with your child without really noticing it’s happening. Don’t get distracted by a power struggle. Instead, be prepared to follow through with a consequence if your child chooses not to comply.

Negative consequences teach your child to make better choices in the future.Follow through with logical consequences that will serve as a life lesson.
Teach your child that you say what you mean and mean what you say.

Raising your voice can easily happen when your child doesn’t listen, and teaches them to tune out.

For more tips and strategies about this,
think about joining my Parenting Course,
held one on one, or by group, via zoom.
Don’t hesitate to contact for more information