“An angry child is one who is quite frightened and sad underneath her tough stance. However small the issue, she feels that something absolutely vital to her is being threatened, and she has no choice but to fight. She also feels alone. As far as she can tell, no one understands her, no one will come to her rescue, and everyone is out to hurt her. Children naturally lean toward affection and companionship. When you see a child fiercely attacking her loved ones, you can assume that she is sitting on extremel painful feelings. She puts up her guard, daring us to care that she is hurt and needs help.”
1. When hitting starts block the move and firmly say ”no hitting, hitting hurts.”
2. When hitting continues “Sam, you’re mad I said No. You can be mad but no kicking!”
3. When hitting continues Evenly state “You are laughing, but you are trying to hurt me…..You must be very mad!”
4. Acknowledge child by intensity in your voice “You are MAD! Still, NO hurting Mummy.”
5. Reflecting his feelings “You are so mad you want to hurt? You are really, really
mad?”
6. When acknowledged he will begin to quieten
7. Gather him in your arms “You were so
sad and mad.”
YOUR CHILD WILL LEARN:
• That his mother will set limits on his actions to keep everyone safe, which is a great relief to him.
• That his mum understands when he’s upset and will help him with his feelings.
• That when he hurts inside, he wants to lash out and that he wants to try not to because it hurts others.
• That when he feels angry, there is something he can do with the anger to let other people know, without hurting them.
• That he’s an acceptable person, angry feelings and all.
• That his feelings aren’t dangerous and he can manage them.
And, maybe most important of all, that his mother’s love for him is unconditional no matter what.
