WHY CHORES ARE NOT DONE
Usually it as much the parent’s fault as the teens. When parents are the problem it is usually for one of three reasons.
- They fail to provide clear structure
- They give up because it feels like too much trouble
- Or they fail to insist on chores because of all the other demands in the teens life
Establish a clear structure – You need to give your teen specific responsibilities to be done at a certain level of competence and with some regularity, and establish a consequence if they are not done. Simply say no phone or television until the kitchen is clean, or no going out in the weekend until the yard is done. Take the time to set up your expectations regarding chores
Always require some chores – Your teen may have some legitimate demands on her life. But do require something. If the teen is too busy you may have to step in and curtail something.
Assign chores ahead of time
Asking your teen to do a spontaneous chore can lead to an argument. If you see your teen watching television on Saturday morning and you suddenly ask, “Can you please clean the garage now?” you’re likely to be met with resistance.
When possible, make your expectation clear ahead of time. Assign regular chores that you expect to be completed routinely, such as emptying the dishwasher and cleaning the bathroom. Make spontaneous requests to complete extra chores as infrequent as possible.
Offer some flexibility
The teenage years are the perfect time to learn valuable life skills, such as self-discipline.
Offering a little flexibility and freedom around chores gives your teen an opportunity to practice these skills.
Tell your teen they can use electronics or enjoy other privileges once their chores are done. Then leave it up to them to decide when to get to work. They’ll learn to manage their time better when they are able to make small choices on their own.
Pay a Commission
While some parents pay an allowance for all chores, others think kids need to chip in and help out without the expectation of being paid. Sometimes, a middle of the road approach is a good way to instill valuable life lessons while still teaching responsibility.
Consider making some chores expected (and uncompensated), but paying your teen for extra chores that you might otherwise hire someone to do. Babysitting younger siblings, mowing the grass, or raking the lawn might be paid a commission. Cleaning his room, doing the dishes, and helping with meals are just part of being a family member.
Establish Clear Consequences
Make it known what will happen if your teenager doesn’t do chores. Whether you simply don’t allow them to earn any money or you take away privileges, make sure your teen knows it’s up to them to decide their fate. If they choose not to do their chores, follow through with the consequences without giving them reminders.
Avoid Buying Everything
If you purchase everything your teen wants, or you give them unlimited privileges regardless of how much work they put in, they won’t be motivated to do chores. Cover the basic necessities, but don’t hand over spending money or extra privileges just because your teen asks.
Offer One Reminder Only
The goal is for your teen to eventually be able to complete all of their chores without requiring any reminders. After all, you won’t be there to nag them to clean their room when they’re 30 (hopefully not, anyway). But if your teen needs one reminder in the beginning, go ahead and give it to them—but stop at one.
You can offer an “If…then” statement to remind them of the consequences. Try saying, “If you don’t get the bathroom cleaned before bed, then you won’t be allowed to use your electronics tomorrow.” Then leave it up to them if they are going to do it.
If they choose not to do their chores, follow through with that consequence. Avoid lecturing or shaming them, but instead make it clear that they can choose to do their chores in the future if they want to retain their privileges.